It’s Not In your head
How to Address Gaslighting in the Workplace From a Colleague or Supervisor
Experiencing gaslighting—a subtle form of manipulation meant to make you doubt your own perceptions and experiences—can feel disorienting, especially when it comes from someone you work with or report to. While it’s not always easy, there are steps you can take to protect yourself and maintain your sense of reality and confidence.
1. Recognize the Signs
Gaslighting often involves shifting blame, denying facts, or pretending misunderstandings never occurred. If you consistently find yourself questioning your memory of events or feeling confused and second-guessed, take note. Trust your gut; if something feels off, it’s worth examining.
2. Document Everything
Keep records of key conversations, decisions, and agreed-upon tasks. Save emails, write down what was said in meetings, and maintain a timeline of events. This paper trail not only helps you stay organized, but also provides tangible evidence if the situation escalates and you need proof of what really happened.
3. Stay Grounded in the Facts
When confronting gaslighting, focus on verifiable details. For instance, if someone claims, “You never mentioned that deadline,” gently refer to the email or calendar invite that proves otherwise. A calm, fact-based response can make it harder for them to distort reality.
Example:
“I want to clarify our conversation from last Thursday. My notes show that we agreed on Project X being due on the 15th. I also have the email we exchanged confirming this. Can we double-check these details together?”
4. Reassert Your Boundaries
If the gaslighting is ongoing, you may need to set clear expectations about communication and decision-making.
Example:
“I’m noticing some confusion around our recent discussions. To stay aligned, can we summarize action items in writing after each meeting? That way, we’ll both have a clear record.”
This approach is polite but makes it harder for someone to gaslight you later, since both of you have agreed to maintain a written summary.
5. Seek Support
If direct approaches aren’t working or you feel unsafe addressing it alone, consider talking to a trusted colleague, mentor, or your HR department. They can provide a second opinion, offer guidance, and potentially intervene if the behavior is damaging your work environment. If you’re in a unionized setting, your representative might also be able to advocate on your behalf.
6. Consider Professional Help
If the gaslighting takes a toll on your mental health, consider seeking help from a career coach, counselor, or therapist. They can help you process what’s happening, give you strategies for coping, and advise you on long-term options, such as transferring to a different team or looking for a healthier workplace.
7. Know Your Worth
Remember that gaslighting is a form of manipulation that says more about the gaslighter than it does about you. Remind yourself of your skills, qualifications, and past achievements. Your competence and professionalism stand on their own, regardless of someone’s attempts to distort reality.
In Short:
By recognizing gaslighting, documenting interactions, responding calmly with facts, setting boundaries, and seeking support when needed, you can push back against manipulative behavior. You deserve a workplace where your contributions are respected, not challenged through underhanded tactics. If the behavior persists, it might be time to consider new paths that allow you to thrive without the burden of psychological manipulation.
